Greetings! I am now officially one week pre-op for surgery. I am soooo ready! Today I attended my anesthesia pre-op appointment at Rex Surgery Center of Cary and its starting to feel real. I got to see the pre-op and recovery areas, as well as the overnight area. Mom went with me because she will be staying with me the whole time, including overnight. She is thrilled, lol. We saw the super comfy recliner she will be "sleeping" in (hint: sarcasm). So I'm stoked!
In other news, I have really been struggling with the pre-op "diet." More like pre-op starvation. I am sad to say I have only managed to gain weight over the past few weeks, today weighing in at 240lb. My big pie in the sky goal (mmm, pie) is to lose 10lb by surgery day. It sounds kinda crazy but I actually think it might be possible, considering that I will be on clear liquids at least a day or so before surgery. And if I really make my best effort to adhere to the rest of it, which is strictly liquids from here on out, I think I should get close. We'll see.
The other part of the pre-op hell i've been struggling with is depression. I've really had some tough days lately. Mostly feeling down on myself for not being able to be "perfect" with my pre-op diet, worrying that somehow I will therefore fail with reaching my post-op goals, mourning being able to stuff my face, etc. Its a rough road, to be sure. However, I have been able to reach out to some of my virtual support group via BariatricPal.com and that has been immensely helpful. Sounds like we are all going through the same thing (I belong to a group that all has surgery scheduled on the same date or thereabouts).
Lastly, a comment on medical professionals. More specifically, the questions they ask. I have discovered that I really, really, REALLY hate it when someone asks me how much weight I was able to lose with the Lap Band. I know its just part of taking the medical history, but I'm telling you, I feel so judged. For anyone interested, the answer is only 25 lb, which I gained back and lost about 5 times over the course of 2 years. And at some point, developed a hietal hernia that affected my ability to maximize the effectiveness of the Band. Its a sensitive subject! But whatevs. I can only hope that each time I am asked it is for medical reasons and not for the reason I am thinking which is "If you couldn't lose weight with the Band what makes you think you will be successful with the sleeve? Loser."
Well, its about time for shake #4 of the day. I think I may vom.
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